thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
