my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
