pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
