make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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