I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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