I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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