i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
