I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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