I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
