I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
