Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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