Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Randomize
