Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
