Pappa wants mamma naked
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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