I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
