Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
