had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize