I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
