Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize