I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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