my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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