I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
