dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
