If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
50% drunk capacity currently
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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