Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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