I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
