yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
