I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
