I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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