you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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