dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
