I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
