Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
