I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
