If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
either way he was missing a nipple.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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