I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I have aggressive nipples.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
