the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
