I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
