You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize