literally had 100 drinks last night.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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