the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
