His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
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