Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
