3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
