ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
