I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
