you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
