Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
it was like his penis was on wheels.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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