god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
