i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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