Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
The power of my boobs compel you
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
