i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
