I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
you will always have a special place in my vag
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I look excited, but its just a facade.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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