I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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