please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Do vagina's smell?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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