I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Randomize