I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
