The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
