sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
only if we run a train.
done.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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