I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
