chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
