I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
