I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
