Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
no, he came in my armpit
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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