I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
