Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
