My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
