She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
